{"id":291,"date":"2011-12-29T09:44:14","date_gmt":"2011-12-29T14:44:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/?p=291"},"modified":"2011-12-29T09:44:14","modified_gmt":"2011-12-29T14:44:14","slug":"column-an-ode-to-2011","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/?p=291","title":{"rendered":"Column: an ode to 2011"},"content":{"rendered":"

The year that was in verse, for better or worse<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

By P.J. D’Annunzio<\/strong>, Staff Writer, CoatesvilleTimes.com<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>One year and several pounds ago you were sitting somewhere with your friends eagerly anticipating the arrival of midnight. You remembered that ushering in the New Year is a time of renewal: reshaping of the mind, body, and spirit in a monumental effort to improve yourself or your world in some way. So out of your chair you sprung, giddy on champagne announcing that this year will truly be better than the last. I\u2019m going to lose weight, I\u2019m going to recycle, and I\u2019m going to stop intentionally running over squirrels, you said.<\/p>\n

But it was to no avail. There\u2019s an inherent problem with resolutions: they goals we set for ourselves via resolution are usually unattainable. That\u2019s why I don\u2019t make them. You see, if I had time to waste on broken promises, I\u2019d be running for president in 2012.<\/p>\n

And so, while dusting off the treadmill you probably missed some of the more noteworthy things that happened this year. But fear not chubby citizen, P.J. is here to lay it all out for you so that you\u2019ll always remember 2011, Year of the Fail.<\/p>\n

Though I do not claim to be a poet by any means, I believe the mediocrity of 2011 deserves an equally mediocre tribute. So here it is. I present to you\u2026the ode.<\/p>\n

An Ode to 2011\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Manhattan, the ball dropped, thousands were there<\/em><\/p>\n

So cold there was frost in Seacrest\u2019s hair<\/em><\/p>\n

So blew in the epic blizzard<\/em><\/p>\n

Twenty-eleven, born as we quivered<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

America stood a nation in debt<\/em><\/p>\n

While China demanded we pay the rent<\/em><\/p>\n

Obama had to make some budget cuts<\/em><\/p>\n

The government closed no ifs, ands, or buts<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

In the Middle East angry passions did stir<\/em><\/p>\n

From Egypt to Libya, it was all a blur<\/em><\/p>\n

They all rose up for the Arab Spring<\/em><\/p>\n

Blood and regime change among other things<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Packers beat Steelers but nobody cares<\/em><\/p>\n

All the Eagles fans deserted their chairs<\/em><\/p>\n

But later the Phils vied for the World Series<\/em><\/p>\n

Though it seems that victory was only a theory<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Oh Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac<\/em><\/p>\n

They died from fiscal heart attacks<\/em><\/p>\n

So did Borders declare bankruptcy<\/em><\/p>\n

Chains closed down from sea to sea<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

We all made a fuss over William and Kate<\/em><\/p>\n

But have you seen the new divorce rate?<\/em><\/p>\n

Kim Kardashian was married for a month<\/em><\/p>\n

Before she gave the axe to old Kris Humph<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

At home, stocks continued to crash<\/em><\/p>\n

While in Europe they had problems finding cash<\/em><\/p>\n

Tsunami, earthquakes, nukes in Japan<\/em><\/p>\n

Osama gets capped in Pakistan<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Bad guys were falling left and right<\/em><\/p>\n

Kim Jong Il and Qaddafi, the dust they did bite<\/em><\/p>\n

On Wall Street the ninety-niners occupied<\/em><\/p>\n

While Over Iran our drones fell from the sky<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

We watched Casey Anthony beat the wrap<\/em><\/p>\n

We all have something to say about that<\/em><\/p>\n

But there was one man still left grinning<\/em><\/p>\n

It was Charlie Sheen with all of his winning<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Then to cancer we lost Steve Jobs<\/em><\/p>\n

In the stores, for iPhones, people still mob<\/em><\/p>\n

Jerry Sandusky shamed Penn State<\/em><\/p>\n

With his behavior beyond inappropriate<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

The presidential race intensified<\/em><\/p>\n

For the GOP nom, the Republicans vied<\/em><\/p>\n

Against Obama are Newt and Mitt<\/em><\/p>\n

But politicians are so full of hot air<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Ready for a new year, surely are we<\/em><\/p>\n

Into this new future I still cannot see<\/em><\/p>\n

For better or worse \u2018eleven is through<\/em><\/p>\n

As for twenty-twelve, I ain\u2019t scared of you<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Have a happy and safe New Year, kids. According to the Mayans this will be our last, so party like it\u2019s 1999\u2026or 2012. If you need me I\u2019ll be drinking beer on the roof, watching flaming meteors slam into things.<\/p>\n

Rock on.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The year that was in verse, for better or worse By P.J. D’Annunzio, Staff Writer, CoatesvilleTimes.com One year and several pounds ago you were sitting somewhere with your friends eagerly anticipating the arrival of midnight. You remembered that ushering in the New Year is a time of renewal: reshaping of the mind, body, and spirit […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":293,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,7],"tags":[71,72,73,74],"class_list":["post-291","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion","category-lifestyle","tag-71","tag-72","tag-poetry","tag-year-in-review"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/291","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=291"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/291\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/293"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=291"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=291"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=291"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}