{"id":36952,"date":"2025-07-02T08:38:58","date_gmt":"2025-07-02T12:38:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/?p=36952"},"modified":"2025-07-02T08:38:59","modified_gmt":"2025-07-02T12:38:59","slug":"all-about-connecting-navigating-dating-for-the-older-set","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/?p=36952","title":{"rendered":"All About Connecting: Navigating dating for the older set"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>By Nancy Rugart Plummer<\/strong>,<em> Columnist, The Times<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-20675\" src=\"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/NancyPlummerLogo25.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"235\" height=\"300\" \/>Dear Nancy,<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>I&#8217;m new to online dating and have been meeting great women, but many expect me to pay for everything\u2014even though they&#8217;re successful professionals. I like one woman in particular, but I&#8217;m hesitant to be exclusive since she never offers to split costs. Any advice?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Pascal \u2013 59 \u2013 Bryn Mawr<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s completely understandable to feel conflicted. You\u2019re dating successfully, you have a solid career, and you\u2019re meeting accomplished women\u2014yet you&#8217;re noticing that many of them expect you to foot the bill every time. That can feel one-sided, and it\u2019s okay to want more balance.<\/p>\n<p>Honest communication is key. Early expectations often set the tone for the relationship, so it\u2019s important to discuss financial boundaries before frustration or resentment builds.<!--more--><\/p>\n<p>First, reflect on your own values around money and partnership. If equality, teamwork, and shared responsibility matter to you, it\u2019s entirely valid to want those reflected in your dating life and beyond. Being clear about this doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re cheap\u2014it means you\u2019re being intentional.<\/p>\n<p>Rather than staying silent or feeling pressured, open a respectful, calm conversation. For example:<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cI really enjoy spending time with you, and I want us to keep having fun together, but I also value a more balanced approach when it comes to expenses. I\u2019d love to find something that feels fair for both of us.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>This kind of honesty shows maturity and self-respect\u2014and it also gives her the opportunity to share her perspective. Sometimes people don\u2019t even realize the dynamic feels one-sided until it\u2019s brought up.<\/p>\n<p>Several of my clients have found success by setting a\u00a0<strong>monthly budget together for shared experiences<\/strong>. For instance, a couple might agree to spend $1,000 a month on dining and entertainment, splitting costs 50\/50 or alternating who pays. When it comes to bigger expenses like vacations, you might discuss in advance what each person is comfortable contributing, or make a plan for the full calendar year.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Examples of healthy compromises include:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Taking turns planning and paying for dates.<\/li>\n<li>One person covering dinner, the other covering tickets or dessert.<\/li>\n<li>Choosing fun, low-cost activities like cooking at home, free events, or hiking.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The bottom line?\u00a0<strong>Money conversations don\u2019t have to be awkward\u2014just honest.<\/strong>\u00a0When handled early and respectfully, they can strengthen trust and build the foundation for a more equal, lasting relationship. That said, if she isn\u2019t open to sharing dating expenses or doesn\u2019t feel she can contribute in a way that feels fair to you, it\u2019s okay to acknowledge that your values may not align\u2014and give yourself permission to step away and move on with clarity and self-respect.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>Dear Nancy,<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>I just started online dating using the Match app and I\u2019m overwhelmed with the number of likes by men! How do I go about this in a less chaotic way? I\u2019m recently divorced and terrified of this online stuff.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Marcy \u2013 67 \u2013 Newtown Square<\/p>\n<p>Congratulations on stepping into the online dating world\u2014especially after a divorce. It\u2019s completely normal to feel overwhelmed at first, especially with all the likes and attention. But here\u2019s the good news: you don\u2019t have to respond to everyone. In fact,\u00a0<strong>you only need to pay attention to the men who take the time to actually write to you<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>A \u201clike\u201d is passive. A message shows real interest. So instead of feeling pulled in a hundred directions, simply focus on those who\u2019ve made the effort to connect with words. This immediately cuts through the chaos and helps you prioritize quality over quantity.<\/p>\n<p>Also, it\u2019s important to know that\u00a0<strong>statistically, the sooner you meet someone in person, the better the chances of building a real connection<\/strong>. Long message threads don\u2019t replace chemistry, and often, over-texting leads to unrealistic expectations. So keep messages brief\u2014enough to feel safe and curious\u2014and then move toward meeting for a coffee, or casual drink at a place you\u2019re comfortable. Remember, for safety purposes, always meet make your first and second dates at a public place you know.<\/p>\n<p>Your goal is not to manage a digital fan club. Your goal is to meet people and discover who you feel you have a connection.<\/p>\n<p>Go have some fun!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>All About Connecting, It\u2019s all about becoming the best U<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>Nancy is the founder of All About Connecting, and has been a Life Coach\/Dating Expert for over a decade, helping hundreds of men and women transform their lives<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Nancy Rugart Plummer, Columnist, The Times Dear Nancy, I&#8217;m new to online dating and have been meeting great women, but many expect me to pay for everything\u2014even though they&#8217;re successful professionals. I like one woman in particular, but I&#8217;m hesitant to be exclusive since she never offers to split costs. Any advice? Pascal \u2013 [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":36951,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[11653,3676,3912,13010],"class_list":["post-36952","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","tag-advice","tag-dating","tag-featured","tag-golden-years"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36952","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=36952"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36952\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36953,"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36952\/revisions\/36953"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/36951"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=36952"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=36952"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coatesvilletimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=36952"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}